Below is a poem I wrote earlier this week about control. Because in so many ways life has felt rather out of control in the past weeks and months. More thoughts below. . .
Control
Control is an illusion
desiring to arrange my world
much like I do my space
but intruders come
dust falls
material for the unwanted guest
the spider who appears
unbidden.
The rhythm of life has
lost control
at least
my illusion of it.
is it not unsurprising then?
that so many feel
the pain of
disillusionment?
The weariness of
life out of
control?
to find peace
In the shifting
the unknowing
the uncertainty
I lift my questions upward,
looking for what remains
true.
– Grace Wulff July 2020
Is control a good thing? Or a bad thing? I know I cringe when people might view me as “controlling”, it is the last thing I wish to be.
But I do long for order in my world.
And I believe we all do. We often look to leaders to provide order and control, and hope our leaders are wise and kind and have the greater good of all in mind.
When life tumbles out of control – as it has on so many levels lately we become unsettled. Even the weather (please bear with me while I complain a little) has been challenging since my hubby is a painter. We have been juggling raindrops and sunshine, schedules and commitments, and the weather is a big deal in our world. Much like a farmer I would think. We roll with the punches and watch the sky. We are not in control.
In this season of Covid and pandemic, we have lost control of many things. Freedoms have been removed, for our own good, and we live with restrictions. More than ever we look to our leaders, or we defy them, that is the choice. It is unsettling for the rule keepers and frustrating for those who see rules as barriers to what they view as common sense. And we also learn to be kind, as we all navigate these days.
I was reminded today of a precious story of someone close to me who went through a dark season. It looked like there was no way out, and life was grim in every sense of the word. Praying in church one day, these words came, seemingly out of no where but strong and direct. “Don’t worry. I am in Control”. These words brought immense reassurance that God was not absent, even in the worst of times.
Sometimes we have to look back in order to see ahead. When I look back to all the times God carried me, through the darkest of times, it gives me assurance that I have not been abandoned. That God is with us. That there is a bigger picture.
So I look up – choosing to believe – that the God who loves us all is still in control.
God is in Control.
